It sure didn't take me long to start feeling uneasy in my surroundings. I'm ready to run! I'm ready to pick-up and move to a new city and state and I have only lived here in Pennsylvania for four months and two days. I could contribute that familiar feeling to the fact that I don't do much with my days besides go to work and the gym. Some days I don't go to the gym. Instead I make poor use of my time by piddle-paddling around the house, doing this and doing that. I'm not exactly sad about my days events. Actually it's quite relaxing. The relaxed feeling doesn't exactly comfort me. Ironic huh? Seems awkward that the feeling of relaxation doesn't lend comfort to my soul. My Mom once told me to try and be still. Maybe then and only then will I begin to feel comfort.
Often I check with myself to make sure my feelings don't stem from not having a partner/lover in my life. At this juncture I can honestly say that my feelings are not for that reason. who knew at this point in my life I would recognize not being ready to get back out there for social satisfaction. I said it before and I will say it again, I've got eye candy at the gym. Sometimes, that's all I need. One particular guy is Hot to Def! He is something else. Sometimes I literally have to avoid him. However yesterday I looked up and saw he was looking my way and I wanted to smile but I didn't want to seem like some weird chick in the gym. Besides, he's gotta know he is a looker. Anyhoo, I certainly don't want to jeopardize my workouts for the sake of some muscle bound cocoa skinned guy. My workouts come first because they make me happy except when I am in pain as I was yesterday.
Now back to me wanting to move . . . I don't know what I am going to do. Actually, yes I do. I'm going to move to Maryland, Florida or Atlanta in 2014. I have no ties here in Pennsylvania. I have nothing or no one keeping me here.
Here is the real issue: I'm restless. My nickname is the "Restless Refugee". I have not changed in that respect in the last 20 years. My ex husband started calling me that because I had no sense of home where ever he and I moved to and it was like I was fleeing to somewhere else. Now I realize that I am no refugee in the true sense of the word and by definition. I can say that it's a feeling I have always carried with me. If something goes wrong at work or in my personal surroundings I would rather just leave for good never to be heard from again. That feeling and way of dealing with life allows me the mental opportunity to start a new life somewhere else without emotional attachments.
So if I'm going to move I guess I better start planning!
